A rainy, miserable early morning in London. The weather forecast gets it right, it's just the weather that gets it wrong. A good time to catch up on some much needed sleep then. But thankfully the bank phones and puts pay to my obviously stupid plan. It's an important call.Bank
: "Mr Solaris, this is the ***** Bank. This is an important call about you're account."Me
: ".....mmmmm.. what?"
I make a massive effort to quickly reboot my brain.Bank
: "Your account. We need to ask you some quick questions."
Either I've gone massively over my limit, they've inadvertently posted my statement on MySpace or I've won a financial review and a free bottle of wine. It's none of these.Bank
: "Regarding our service, to you, and your account, are you very satisfied or extremely satisfied
Me : "What..... ?
Bank : "Very satisfied or"(pause)" extremely satisfied ?"
Me : "....? Those are the options"
Bank : "Yes"
Me : "Two options. Both the same ?"
Bank : Silence
Me :"....? This is a ridiculous question."
Bank :"Is it ? Have you had any problems with the service then. ?"
Me : "No, everythings fine, fine"
Bank : "So would you say you were extremely satisfied."
Me : "I'll email you."
Bank :"Sorry we can only do this by phone, are you happy with extremely then (pause) "
I would struggle with this level of conversation wide awake, at this time in the morning I am simultaneously losing the will to live and experiencing rising feelings of violence. I'll turn the tables and cut this short.
Me :"NO. Just put very. Goodbye"
Pissed off and now very awake, like a flash it suddenly dawns on me that I'm probably now one of the "75% of our customers are very satisfied with our service, the other 25% were ...." you guessed it, marketing campaign.
I get up.
Two words -internet banking. Two words-emotionless machines.
Windows is starting up.
Normal service will be resumed asap